Forbidden Mourning

حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا بِشْرُ بْنُ الْمُفَضَّلِ، حَدَّثَنَا سَلَمَةُ بْنُ عَلْقَمَةَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سِيرِينَ، قَالَ تُوُفِّيَ ابْنٌ لأُمِّ عَطِيَّةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ فَلَمَّا كَانَ الْيَوْمُ الثَّالِثُ دَعَتْ بِصُفْرَةٍ، فَتَمَسَّحَتْ بِهِ وَقَالَتْ نُهِينَا أَنْ نُحِدَّ أَكْثَرَ مِنْ ثَلاَثٍ إِلاَّ بِزَوْجٍ‏.‏

Narrated Muhammad bin Seereen: One of the sons of Um 'Atiyya died, and when it was the third day she asked for a yellow perfume and put it over her body, and said, "We were forbidden to mourn for more than three days except for our husbands."

Sahih al-Bukhari 1279 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:1279

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حَدَّثَنَا الْحُمَيْدِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، حَدَّثَنَا أَيُّوبُ بْنُ مُوسَى، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي حُمَيْدُ بْنُ نَافِعٍ، عَنْ زَيْنَبَ ابْنَةِ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، قَالَتْ لَمَّا جَاءَ نَعْىُ أَبِي سُفْيَانَ مِنَ الشَّأْمِ دَعَتْ أُمُّ حَبِيبَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ بِصُفْرَةٍ فِي الْيَوْمِ الثَّالِثِ، فَمَسَحَتْ عَارِضَيْهَا وَذِرَاعَيْهَا وَقَالَتْ إِنِّي كُنْتُ عَنْ هَذَا لَغَنِيَّةً، لَوْلاَ أَنِّي سَمِعْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏ "‏ لاَ يَحِلُّ لاِمْرَأَةٍ تُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ أَنْ تُحِدَّ عَلَى مَيِّتٍ فَوْقَ ثَلاَثٍ، إِلاَّ عَلَى زَوْجٍ، فَإِنَّهَا تُحِدُّ عَلَيْهِ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْرًا ‏"‏‏.‏

Narrated Zainab bint Abi Salama: When the news of the death of Abu Sufyan reached from Sham, Um Habiba on the third day, asked for a yellow perfume and scented her cheeks and forearms and said, "No doubt, I would not have been in need of this, had I not heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying: "It is not legal for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for any dead person except her husband, for whom she should mourn for four months and ten days."

Sahih al-Bukhari 1280 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:1280

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حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ أَبِي بَكْرِ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَمْرِو بْنِ حَزْمٍ، عَنْ حُمَيْدِ بْنِ نَافِعٍ، عَنْ زَيْنَبَ بِنْتِ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، أَخْبَرَتْهُ قَالَتْ، دَخَلْتُ عَلَى أُمِّ حَبِيبَةَ زَوْجِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَتْ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏"‏ لاَ يَحِلُّ لاِمْرَأَةٍ تُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ تُحِدُّ عَلَى مَيِّتٍ فَوْقَ ثَلاَثٍ، إِلاَّ عَلَى زَوْجٍ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْرًا ‏"‏‏.‏ ثُمَّ دَخَلْتُ عَلَى زَيْنَبَ بِنْتِ جَحْشٍ حِينَ تُوُفِّيَ أَخُوهَا، فَدَعَتْ بِطِيبٍ فَمَسَّتْ ثُمَّ قَالَتْ مَا لِي بِالطِّيبِ مِنْ حَاجَةٍ، غَيْرَ أَنِّي سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَلَى الْمِنْبَرِ يَقُولُ ‏"‏ لاَ يَحِلُّ لاِمْرَأَةٍ تُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ تُحِدُّ عَلَى مَيِّتٍ فَوْقَ ثَلاَثٍ، إِلاَّ عَلَى زَوْجٍ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْرًا ‏"‏‏.‏

Narrated Zainab bint Abi Salama: I went to Um Habiba, the wife of Prophet, who said, "I heard the Prophets saying, 'It is not legal for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person for more than three days except for her husband, (for whom she should mourn) for four months and ten days'." Later I went to Zainab bint Jahsh when her brother died; she asked for some scent, and after using it she said, "I am not in need of scent but I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying, 'It is not legal for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for any dead person except her husband, (for whom she should mourn) for four months and ten days.' "

Sahih al-Bukhari 1281, 1282 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:1281

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حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ حَوْشَبٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَتْنِي عَمْرَةُ، قَالَتْ سَمِعْتُ عَائِشَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ تَقُولُ لَمَّا جَاءَ قَتْلُ زَيْدِ بْنِ حَارِثَةَ وَجَعْفَرٍ وَعَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ رَوَاحَةَ، جَلَسَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُعْرَفُ فِيهِ الْحُزْنُ، وَأَنَا أَطَّلِعُ مِنْ شَقِّ الْبَابِ، فَأَتَاهُ رَجُلٌ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ نِسَاءَ جَعْفَرٍ وَذَكَرَ بُكَاءَهُنَّ فَأَمَرَهُ بِأَنْ يَنْهَاهُنَّ، فَذَهَبَ الرَّجُلُ ثُمَّ أَتَى فَقَالَ قَدْ نَهَيْتُهُنَّ، وَذَكَرَ أَنَّهُنَّ لَمْ يُطِعْنَهُ، فَأَمَرَهُ الثَّانِيَةَ أَنْ يَنْهَاهُنَّ، فَذَهَبَ، ثُمَّ أَتَى، فَقَالَ وَاللَّهِ لَقَدْ غَلَبْنَنِي أَوْ غَلَبْنَنَا الشَّكُّ مِنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ حَوْشَبٍ ـ فَزَعَمَتْ أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ فَاحْثُ فِي أَفْوَاهِهِنَّ التُّرَابَ ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقُلْتُ أَرْغَمَ اللَّهُ أَنْفَكَ، فَوَاللَّهِ مَا أَنْتَ بِفَاعِلٍ وَمَا تَرَكْتَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مِنَ الْعَنَاءِ‏.‏

Narrated Aisha: When the news of the martyrdom of Zaid bin Haritha, Jafar and Abdullah bin Rawaha came, the Prophet sat down looking sad, and I was looking through the chink of the door. A man came and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! The women of Jafar," and then he mentioned their crying . The Prophet (p.b.u.h) ordered him to stop them from crying. The man went and came back and said, "I tried to stop them but they disobeyed." The Prophet (p.b.u.h) ordered him for the second time to forbid them. He went again and came back and said, "They did not listen to me, (or "us": the sub-narrator Muhammad bin Haushab is in doubt as to which is right). " (Aisha added: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Put dust in their mouths." I said (to that man), "May Allah stick your nose in the dust (i.e. humiliate you)." By Allah, you could not (stop the women from crying) to fulfill the order, besides you did not relieve Allah's Apostle from fatigue."

*This expression means hope they die. See Sahih al-Bukhari 6439

Sahih al-Bukhari 1305 https://sunnah.com/bukhari:1305

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وَحَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ الْمُثَنَّى، وَابْنُ أَبِي عُمَرَ، قَالَ ابْنُ الْمُثَنَّى حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ يَحْيَى بْنَ سَعِيدٍ، يَقُولُ أَخْبَرَتْنِي عَمْرَةُ، أَنَّهَا سَمِعَتْ عَائِشَةَ، تَقُولُ لَمَّا جَاءَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَتْلُ ابْنِ حَارِثَةَ وَجَعْفَرِ بْنِ أَبِي طَالِبٍ وَعَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ رَوَاحَةَ جَلَسَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُعْرَفُ فِيهِ الْحُزْنُ قَالَتْ وَأَنَا أَنْظُرُ مِنْ صَائِرِ الْبَابِ - شَقِّ الْبَابِ - فَأَتَاهُ رَجُلٌ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ نِسَاءَ جَعْفَرٍ وَذَكَرَ بُكَاءَهُنَّ فَأَمَرَهُ أَنْ يَذْهَبَ فَيَنْهَاهُنَّ فَذَهَبَ فَأَتَاهُ فَذَكَرَ أَنَّهُنَّ لَمْ يُطِعْنَهُ فَأَمَرَهُ الثَّانِيَةَ أَنْ يَذْهَبَ فَيَنْهَاهُنَّ فَذَهَبَ ثُمَّ أَتَاهُ فَقَالَ وَاللَّهِ لَقَدْ غَلَبْنَنَا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ فَزَعَمَتْ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ اذْهَبْ فَاحْثُ فِي أَفْوَاهِهِنَّ مِنَ التُّرَابِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ فَقُلْتُ أَرْغَمَ اللَّهُ أَنْفَكَ وَاللَّهِ مَا تَفْعَلُ مَا أَمَرَكَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَمَا تَرَكْتَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مِنَ الْعَنَاءِ ‏.‏

'A'isha reported that when the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was told that Ibn Haritha, Ja'far b. Abu Talib and Abdullah b. Rawaha were killed, he sat down, showing signs of grief. She (further) said: I was looking (at him) through the crevice of the door. A man came to him and mentioned that Ja'far's women were lamenting. He (the Holy Prophet) commanded him to go and forbid them (to do so). So he went away but came back and told (him) that they did not obey (him). He commanded him a second time to go and forbid them (to do so). He again went but came back to him and said: I swear by God, Messenger of Allah, that they have overpowered us. She ('A'isha) said that she thought the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had told (her) to throw dust in their mouths. Thereupon 'A'isha said: May Allah humble you! You did not do what Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) ordered you, nor did you stop annoying Allah's Messenger (ﷺ).

Sahih Muslim 935a https://sunnah.com/muslim:935a